Depression My Own Monster

DEPRESSION MY OWN ENEMY

For some reasons, when in term of planning and thinking, I get stressed out when too many questions come to me, and I get angry, depressed, and anxious very fast. I come up becoming a monster by screaming and yelling anyone surrounding me. That was the first mode of my personality. The second mode of my personality has the weak and shaking characteristic, and my heartbeat would pump fast, and I suddenly do not want to eat, talk and do anything besides sleeping. Because those two modes of personality happen when I get stressed out, I caused abundant of depressing problems in my life. For this time, it is out of my control, and I am asking everyone around me to help.

Figure 1: Depression in marriage

My wife got a new job at Census in Sunnyvale California, and the commute from Fremont to Sunnyvale was very crazy from 7:00am to 9am. One day, she called me and cried while she was driving. She wanted to move closer to her job since she was the one making more money than my full-time job. We checked apartments on the weekends in Milpitas. We were planning to move but we did not want to let the roommate know yet. After we got approved from the rental application, I had a bad feeling about moving into $3000 rent per month apartment. I was feeling very insecure about this moving. Since my wife has not gotten paid yet, the moving cost and the rent payment would be $3000 which I won’t have enough. While I was stressed out about the money, my wife kept complaining about the roommate that his corgi shed too much on the floor, and the roommate was supposed to clean it very carefully. It turned out he could not control the shedding, and the corgi hair was all over the house including on the kitchen counter. Therefore, someday I had to drive my wife to work so she would not get into trouble for coming to work late. Dealing with my roommate’s complaint and the traffic and the moving situation, I decided to let my roommate know about the moving behind my wife back. I told him to find another place soon, so I will not hear any complaints about him and his corgi. He decided to give away his corgi without telling my wife. My wife came home and was surprised why he gave away his corgi, and he explained that he would like to move out. My wife was shocked a little bit, and she was emotional when she could not see the corgi one last time. My wife kept asking the roommate for three hours why he decided to move out and why he gave away the corgi. He finally confessed when I was taking the trash out that I was the one telling him to move out. My wife was angry and screaming at both of us (my roommate and I) for 4 hours until 3am.

She was arguing with me in the car when I was driving to work by kicking at my back from the backseat. She kept calling me a liar and demanded a clear explanation from me. Otherwise she would not go to work, and she would not let me go to work. I had a big shipment on that day so I cannot miss work on that day. I ignored her and left her at her workplace to come to work. When I picked her up in the afternoon, she was continuing to argue with me and was screaming at me. I could not hold anymore by arguing back with her. I said I lied to you so what. Well, I got slapped on my face. The second slap dropped my glasses, and I had to pull over.

I was so emotional. I decided to call the cops. However, I told the cops that my wife hit me from the back. I should have told the cops to cool my wife down so we could go home in peace. The cops concluded that I was a victim and she was an assault. The cops told me she would go to jail, and I begged the cops not to take her. I could not believe what I just did. I was shaking and went home. I was too depressed for my action to call the cops. I went to the court two days after that, and the judge ordered the protection order to Linda by not contacting me. Now she had a misdemeanor in her background.

Figure 2: domestic violence lead to me broke and financial anxiety.

While I was trying to find the lawyer for her case, there was another battle between my wife and her boss. Her boss, Araceli, from Census, let her assistant, Nicole push everyone at work by hounding them every day about the deadline especially people form Linda’s team. 3 people from Linda’s team quit, and she had to cover their work. At the end, Linda fired back at her boss by writing up one person of Araceli’s team because he did not do what Linda told him to do for the project. He only listened to Araceli and Nicole. Linda and other supervisors from Walnut Creek and Palo Alto and Sunnyvale decided to file the harassment report against Araceli. Linda tried to schedule the appointment with the HR to provide all the information about Araceli. When HR began to investigating Araceli, Araceli decided to fire Linda with the letter stating why she was fired. That letter was reviewed by all the supervisors, and they suggested this was a wrong reason to fire Linda. HR Census has been investigating since November until now.

When I finally found the lawyer, Richard, to represent Linda at the second court date, Linda got fired two days after that. Both of us were too depressed, and Linda could not handle the depression in the Bay Area. She left the Bay Area with my all my credit cards, and we were arguing about her leaving. I could not deal with it, so I let her do whatever. I had to see the therapist and the physician for counseling, and I had to take Sertraline for the anxiety problem.

However, I am completely struggling on my own because Linda was so scare to apply for jobs as she was worrying about the misdemeanor on her record. The only hope is to get the job back at Census, and I hope Linda could switch to different department.

Right now, I am having a full-time job and running around to deliver foods on the weekend. I am looking for jobs that I can work extra on the weekday.

I have been trying to sell anything in my house, but I ended up dealing with three scams that stole $200 from me. I have been applying to do freelance work, and I ended up dealing with scam again. I almost went to jail because of the freelance work from upwork.com.

I am writing this personal story in order to seek for the honest advice to help. I am looking for funding that can help me start selling items online. Otherwise, I am also looking for funding to pay for the lawyer. I would do anything in order to save my wife situation. At this point, I am very depressed when thinking about the lawyer situation.

The reason why I am doing this because I am trying to repay the time that my wife had to sacrifice for me when I was dealing with the stressful immigration problem. Because I was waiting for the green card process, I had to deal with the rejection from the jobs because I had OPT work permit. Nobody would like to deal with OPT work permit. I had to work extra all the time to compensate for the living in the Bay Area. Sometimes, I got a lot of rejection due to the immigration problem, and I ended up broke a lot of things in the house. I also threw a jar at my wife, and I hit her in the past too. However, she never reported to the police. I knew it was not fair for her to marry an immigrant, and she had to deal with all the stressful problem in life. Now I have a green card and a full-time job, and I would do whatever to treat my wife the best I could.

About the depression, I am fighting with it by working very hard. The more I work hard, the more I could not get stressed. I know it is very tiring, but that is Bay Area’s life. I am trying to control my anxiety and depression by punching the bag at my company’s gym. I hope this story could help me to find the mentor in business and life.

Please go to https://fundly.com/help-linda-get-a-job-back

I would appreciate for any dollars to help me raise money for this campaign.

Photo credits:

https://www.voj.news/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Second-Marriage-Depression.jpg
https://media.npr.org/assets/img/2013/10/21/domesticvphoto_wide-7026cc59bd2a245a54d222890648b429d7bc7fc5.jpg?s=140